May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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