Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
