how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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