just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He better not be in your backpack
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize