After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
