just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
