She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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