i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize