just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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