I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
