Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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