there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
