2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
