She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
