I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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