you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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