When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
