I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
