My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Randomize
