I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
