Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

i am grossed the fuck out

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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Trying to grind with crutches was not a success

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(402): View more from Nebraska

1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?

(504): View more from Louisiana

Yes. Its here..

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