We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
