Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this boner is exhausting
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
