At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
