just tell him i said nine months
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
