hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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