i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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