I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
