i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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