Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
