dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize