So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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