If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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