Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
