He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize