It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
