ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
