Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
