Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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