i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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