she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
