there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
