and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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