hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dick very happy bro
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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