I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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