I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
