dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize