Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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