Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
