I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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