make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize