he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize