Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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