I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
