Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
