Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
