Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
