I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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