On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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