im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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