Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
